"Fuck this shit." Oof, such a great phrase don't you think? No matter the tone that is used to produce these words, they just sum up the emotion being felt.
Let's take, for example, anger. Stating this phrase in seclusion can be compared to screaming. Just a release without reason. This can be good. Healing even. It is, however, cautionary to refrain from stating this in anger toward another person without causation. Yet, in solitude, let it ring loud.
A few different things can emerge from a release such as this; tears, relief, agony, joy, etc. I like to place these into two categories, the twin pillars of emotional release; Optimisim and Skepticisim.
Optimisim sedates the pain and boosts the heart. It is what stirs insights of strength and courage that have been surpressed by the subconcious. It breeds humor in viewing your circumstances and finding ways to laugh through the struggle. Optimisim breeds hope.
This is where my mind resides on a daily basis, for others. I have had the honor of holding space for many when they have had need of sharing their despairs and frustrations. I have discovered that through my own experiences I have found ways to filter through the negative only to discover the positive outcomes of their circumstances. After awhile, I realize, this can become further frustrating for some people as they want the chance to grieve in the loss(es) of their situations. Being someone who agrees with having an opportunity to do just that, I promptly shut up. In the end, they reflect on my findings and begin to discern for themselves where the positive points lie and how to proceed.
The brother to optimisim is skepticism. Not what you were expecting right? Nine times out of ten pessimism would coincide with optimisim. My experience has been different. Skepticisim is distrust. This word often joins alongside names or situations. Have you considered turning this word toward your own self? Your own emotional state? I do. Too often to recall.
It's not so much questioning myself with "Can I really keep up this diet?" or "Yeah right. You think you should be up for the promotion?" It is deeper than that. Skepticism burrows into the psyche and begins to slowly make you question your capability to find happiness. "Can they really love me? Am I good enough?"
This dark pillar is where self doubt, loathing, and anxiety roam free. It is toxic. To live under this pillar can be exaughsting. I would know. I am always struggling to get out from under its shadow.
I have come to see these two pillars as my guides.
When I allow the emotions of each to be seen and recognized, I am able to find my own pure truth. My advise, don't try and control the emotions one way or the other. Just allow them to flow through you. Grieve the loss of your past self and loose the trust in yourself for a moment. The hope of a new you and new experiences through your personal growth will blossom within.
Remember pillars are only there to hold up the structure. How the structure is desgined, now that's up to you.
With hope,
Anndi
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