Left on Read

Wednesday Jan 3 * 12:23pm

Friend A: Hey. Planning a girls night over here. Can you make it out this weekend?

Sunday Jan 7 * 2:00pm

Me: Hey! I am so sorry for the late response.

Me: It's been a hectic weekend with sick kid and catching up on cleaning and just no sleep.

Me: I am so sorry! Rain check?

The poorly laid out texting example above is a common occurrence of delayed responses provided by yours truly. I would not be surprised if I am not the only one. You see, in the day and age of media outputs taking over majority of our lives, we are reliant upon them. They are a constant source of validation in a way. From SnapChat to TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and even day to day texting. When we do not get near immediate responses, the anxiety kicks in. Did it go through? Do they just want to ignore me? Have I messed up? Do they understand what I really meant to say?

This anxiety extends to the intended receivers as well. If I don't respond right away are they going to think I don't care? How do I respond when I need time to think about this? My response is needed quickly or I could lose this relationship?

The fact of the matter is, there is no win when you feel the need to rush. Communication is, and should be, more complex than a simple rushed "sure" or "kk." Let's face it, one is a word and one is merely two letters. That is not much of a conversation starter or even a proper end to a conversation.

I found myself for years unintentionally upsetting those I care about because I did not respond in a manner timely to them. At first I thought this selfish and rude of them. However, I began to realize this was not the intended purpose of their misplaced anxiety. It was merely the care they had for me and the worry that I did not care to stay in contact with them because I left them "on read". I had read their messages, but had not had the time to respond in a way that I felt expressed what I truly wanted to say. Due to this, I tried and tested new ways to settle this potential issue.

One day, something just clicked. An idea for a healthy communication boundary was brought to light. Ask my friends and family to begin the message with a title such as "URGENT." With this simple change to messaging, I have been able to create an understanding with my friends and family that, yes I might leave their message unresponsive for a few days. However, if they need a response quickly they begin their message with this word and I know to respond within minutes. This or pick up the phone and call me. ;)

You see by having a verbal conversation with someone about your messaging boundaries, this opens up for healthy communication and a further understanding of one another. This is not to say you should do this with everyone you meet. This is more personalized to allow for relationships in this technological world to advance beyond "sure" and "kk." This leads to showing care, empathy and compassion, even where body language cannot be read and facial expressions deciphered.

Being left on read can go from anxiety inducing to more of a prelude of a potentially deeper conversation. Human beings I believe to be intricate in our thoughts and feelings. Why not allow the time to find the right words to express these in order to better comprehend each other.

Maybe it's time to start changing our views about being left on read. As I found Language is a gift and Time is its constant companion.

With hope,

Anndi